Saturday, September 30, 2006

quirky...

i'm an ordinary person ... dont do anything remrkable in my life currently .. pretty run-of-the-mill types .. i got a brain thats fond of thinking about every damn thing i can ( and cant *sob sob*) lay my eyes or hands on .. my friends say i got something to say about everything ... i dont wanna change ... so what , one may think , is the point of these rantings ??!!
for starters , they aren't entirely rantings ... on a comparitive basis i'm content with things ... anyone having internet access and reading this is better off than a famished family in africa (so this is ur moment to send a tiny prayer of thanks up above ) ... but things suck and i cant help but cribbing sometimes ...
sometimes i go paranoid (PMS??) i ask my self over and over - gosh , am i useless or am i useless ?!! 'cause i do nothing substantial ... yeah k , i can sing,i can make a fool of myself, do a difficult dance step while sitting in a crowded bus ... ummm.. i can embarrass the shit out of my friends by shouting out loudly to some arbid guy- "who are youuuu?!!!" .. now where's it taking me? i sometimes have the urge to read everything i can lay my hands on , my sudden thirst for knowldge overwhelms me .. sometimes, i'm just so out there- after having spent some time with a spl someone, listening to my fav music, or having people say - hey suks, that was one awesome gd.. thumbs up :) ... sometimes , i'm down in the dumps- arguments, disagreements with peolpe u never wanna fight with, looking at someone , lying so peacefully on the ground- only difference between u seeing that person yesterday and today is that today , that person has all the life sucked out of him.. he's dead ... and u can keep looking knowing nothing can bring him back ... its like this mountain of bad times jus breaks open on u ... a lil' something u've been wanting is yours and u go yay :) only to realise ur excitement is short lived as it decides to play hide and seek with you, and u cant get yourself to accept 'its gone , u've lost it and noone's going to return a 4 GB pod to you'... wat ensues is a near-hell experience .. during these times i lie in bed thinking- great!!! can my cieling please cave in , 'cause that would be the icing on the cake!! pah!!

so .now ( dont worry i'm not biting anyone's head off :-/ ) things 've somehow settled ... i'm happy now .. nohting's really bothering me (ummmm... well ... i cant telll you the stuff that is, that goes into my personal diary ;) .... ) but i just wish , i wish for one day , i was on my own ...doing things my own way ... going crazy ... climb on a bilboard or a bus and make a scene .... go for a drive at two in the morning ....... put the volume on full and try hearing my own voice singing above the din ... woooooooooooooohoooooooooo ... then i'd say - yeaaaahh , bayybey :D